Category Archives: Life

Why Are You Here?

It is my firm belief that we are all here for a reason. Now when I say the word “all”, though I also mean that we as a collective of human beings, as humanity, are here for a reason, my specific point here is that each individual, you, me, and every individual that we know is here for a reason. Each one of us is here on a mission. And before we look into how to find our own specific purpose, it’s important to realize that just as I and you are here on a specific mission in their lives, so too is every individual that we come in contact with.

The question is in essence “why” am I hear. Once we can identify the why, we can then build a plan that will allow us to put it into action. To create the physical change in the real world that is a reflection of our purpose. That is in essence the “success” we are supposed to achieve.

Now let me be clear. When I say that that is the success we are “supposed” to achieve, it is up to each individual to decide, to dictate what we are supposed to do. No one else can nor should decide what is right for us. As will be discussed later successful people choose their own life.

So how do we decide what our life purpose is? How do we decide what our own individual “why” is? I think it is our own personal or inner guidance system. An airline pilot or rather an automated self pilot on a transatlantic flight constantly monitors its course. Though the plane is traveling thousands of miles it is never exactly on course. As a passenger, and if you are pilot, you will notice that the plane is always making adjustments on its path to its destination.

So too in life. We set our goals, we find our reason, and we launch into life on a trajectory toward success. But along the way we are given guidance. That guidance comes by way of many indicators. We get feedback from those around us. We get reminded that we might be slightly off course by failures or limited successes along the way. Add to these our own internal gut feel, along with logic and common sense, that allow us to correct, and we have a complete guidance system. All these indicators, or rather feedback mechanisms also help us determine our purpose.

There is one other aspect needs to be taken in to account in our search for our own purpose.

It is quite helpful to think of not only the “corrections” on our path to success but perhaps more importantly the joys that we have experienced since childhood. If we put together a list of all the things that are or that have been joyful to us and combine those with a list of our strengths we can begin to identify what our purpose, our mission is.

Monday Motivator – How we React When We Are Down is the Key

If you have ever been down. If you are down now, please please understand that it is in these moments that success calls. These tough times are simply a test, simply part of the path to achieving our destiny, our brighter days, our calling!

Enjoy this great compilation that says it so well (6 min):

The Motivators – Pain (Part 2 of 7)

Pain. It’s really a matter of choosing which pain you prefer. The pain you are experiencing in your current situation versus the pain of change. Usually people stay in the same situation because in their minds it is more painful to go through change than it is to endure the pain of sour relationships, weak or even worse, negative finances, and poor health. Choose your pain point and see what’s more important to you. A better life which sometimes (usually…) requires  painful change, or being easy on yourself today because that is less painful. As they say, be easy on yourself and have a hard life or be hard on yourself and have an easy life.

Once you understand that the temporary pain of change is worth “suffering” as compared to the chronic pain of a bad situation you have in your hands a great motivator to make progress towards success.

Why Are You Here?

Why?
What is our life purpose?

It is my firm belief that we are all here for a reason. Now when I say the word “all”, though I also mean that we as a collective of human beings, as humanity, are here for a reason, my specific point here is that each individual, you, me, and every individual that we know is here for a reason. Each one of us is here on a mission. And before we look into how to find our own specific purpose, it’s important to realize that just as I and you are here on a specific mission in their lives, so too is every individual that we come in contact with.

The question is in essence “why” am I hear. Once we can identify the why, we can then build a plan that will allow us to put it into action. To create the physical change in the real world that is a reflection of our purpose. That is in essence the “success” we are supposed to achieve.

Now let me be clear. When I say that that is the success we are “supposed” to achieve, it is up to each individual to decide, to dictate what we are supposed to do. No one else can nor should decide what is right for us. As will be discussed later successful people choose their own life.

So how do we decide what our life purpose is? How do we decide what our own individual “why” is? I think it is our own personal or inner guidance system. An airline pilot or rather an automated self pilot on a transatlantic flight constantly monitors its course. Though the plane is traveling thousands of miles it is never exactly on course. As a passenger, and if you are pilot, you will notice that the plane is always making adjustments on its path to its destination.

So too in life. We set our goals, we find our reason, and we launch into life on a trajectory toward success. But along the way we are given guidance. That guidance comes by way of many indicators. We get feedback from those around us. We get reminded that we might be slightly off course by failures or limited successes along the way. Add to these our own internal gut feel, along with logic and common sense, that allow us to correct, and we have a complete guidance system. All these indicators, or rather feedback mechanisms also help us determine our purpose.

There is one other aspect needs to be taken in to account in our search for our own purpose.

It is quite helpful to think of not only the “corrections” on our path to success but perhaps more importantly the joys that we have experienced since childhood. If we put together a list of all the things that are or that have been joyful to us and combine those with a list of our strengths we can begin to identify what our purpose, our mission is.

Once you identify your purpose aline everything that you do with that purpose. In doing so you will begin to live in harmony both internally within yourself and externally in the universe and be well on your way to achieving success and happiness.

100% Responsibility

Who's Responsible?
Who’s Responsible?

Among the many “single most important factors” on the road to success is the one of taking 100% responsibility for all that not only has occurred in our lives but more importantly, what will occur in our lives.

It is quite easy to find all the reasons in the world why we either have not progressed, cannot progress, or will not progress towards a better life. Whether that better life be in the area of relationships, health, finance, what have you, we always find an excuse, some way of pardoning ourselves from a more satisfying, rewarding, or even acceptable life.

Yes, as any successful person will tell us, the only way to achieve what we want in life is by taking 100% responsibility. When we look at the word “responsibility” we see a clue that can guide us on our quest. It is the “ability” to “respond”. In every situation that life presents us we have the free choice to respond how we wish. That response is what will shape our future in the short and long term.

Should we “choose” to blame the economy, our spouse, children, boss, weight, bank manager, parents, what and who ever, we in essence choose to allow others to design our lives for us. In the words of Jim Rohn “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”

When we choose however to design and create our own outcomes then we choose the path of success, in all areas of life. Of course, all the external factors play a roll in what we can do to a certain extent but they can never determine the final outcome. No, we cannot change others. If we have truly done our best and are still “stuck” in that bad relationship, that depressing job, that toxic neighborhood, that not-so-great financial situation, then we very well may not be able to even set the positive example needed in the hope that others will change. We may need to make some very hard decisions and change the environment we are in by leaving it.

There’s a story about school boy who would open his lunchbox every day and complain, “Here we go again, I always have tuna sandwiches for lunch!” One day, his friend asked, “Why don’t you ask your mom to prepare a different lunch for you tomorrow?” The boy replied, “My mother doesn’t make my lunch, I do.”

Do you have a “tuna sandwich” in your life? A situation you complain about every day but don’t do anything about? Don’t do anything to change your outcomes?

  • Do you hate your job so much that you get chest pains every morning before work?
  • Are you in a relationship that makes you cry more than it makes you laugh?
  • Are you aware that you’re carrying some extra weight, but planning to start exercising tomorrow? Next week? Next month?
  • Do you know that incorporating fruits and vegetables to your diet is beneficial, but you never buy fruits and vegetables?

The reason people are living “tuna sandwich” situations is because they are not taking full ownership of their lives. 100% responsibility, 100% of the time! In my own personal experience I’ve learned that the most important step a person must take in order to create the lives of their dreams is taking 100% responsibility of their lives. Not 99%, 100%!

The word “rationalize” come to mind. When we stop “rationalizing”, making “rations” of the amount of personal responsibility we have for our own outcomes, and start understanding and “knowing”, that the only person who can truly bring a better life to ourselves is ourselves, we start moving towards that better life.

The Happiness is in the Progress

The Road to Happiness
The Road to Happiness

I, as have many, have searched for happiness. Many times we hope that the “happiness” will finally come when we have attained that certain something. We spend countless hours, sometimes countless money, energy, and emotion in pursuit of that happiness. And yet when that great day comes when we finally achieved our goal. Buy that new thing, that new widget. Attain that great relationship, after a little bit or perhaps more time, we awaken to realize that the happiness is just not there. Or at least, that it has come and gone.

How then can we in the end achieve happiness? I think the first question to answer is, what is happiness? And if we can define happiness, is it really achievable? Before writing this post I was not quite sure that that answer can be attained. I then recalled a great definition that I had seen written by Steven Reiss:

“Harvard social psychologist William McDougall wrote that people can be happy while in pain and unhappy while experiencing pleasure; To understand this, two kinds of happiness must be distinguished: feel-good and value-based. Feel-good happiness is sensation-based pleasure. When we joke around or have sex, we experience feel-good happiness. Since feel-good happiness is ruled by the law of diminishing returns, the kicks get harder to come by. This type of happiness rarely lasts longer than a few hours at a time.

Value-based happiness is a sense that our lives have meaning and fulfill some larger purpose. It represents a spiritual source of satisfaction, stemming from our deeper purpose and values. We experience value-based happiness when we satisfy any of the 16 basic desires–the more desires we satisfy, the more value-based happiness we experience. Since this form of happiness is not ruled by the law of diminishing returns, there is no limit to how meaningful our lives can be.” (The full article is here)

To take this one step further and as Tony Robbins has been heard to say, it is in the progress. Every time we move closer to our goals. Every time we become a better “self” we are in essence experiencing happiness or rather we have the opportunity to experience happiness. That is a topic on its own. The “happiness” that we experience in that fleeting moment of having achieved a goal, is dwarfed by the happiness that we feel internally as we evolve, as we become the better and better person we can become. That is where the happiness lies. In the pursuit!

Say Yes to Life

Are you saying YES to life? This is such a great concept yet sometimes difficult to use.

Sometimes in life we come across things that aren’t exactly the way we would like them to be. We wake up in the morning, having our day planned, and then all of a sudden “life” hits us. We plan on picking up the dry cleaning at a certain hour only to find out that it will not be ready until the next day. We call our spouse and are blindsided by an onslaught of “questions” that sound more like an interrogation than a search for “understanding”. Or, we planned our monthly budget only to find out that a not so minor repair will be needed at home which blows the budget. Or G-d forbid we receive news of an illness or tragedy in the family.

The question is, how do we look at these things? Should we take them as a bullet to the chest? Or can we take them somehow in some more positive light?

The answer quite simply, and as I mentioned above, is just a YES! That is, we can of course say NO to the circumstance, and either way we will feel pain. We will feel the pain as we fight our emotions, and engage the situation. And we will feel the pain even if we accept the situation (by saying Yes). But, when we say “no” we are trying to fight the reality that just cannot be changed. When we say yes we are in essence accepting the reality, albeit with the pain that goes along with it, but by saying yes we are now empowered to do something about it. That something may well include a plan and the ability to change the reality were presented with. Or, it will be simply to accept that reality and find ways to positively cope with the things we did not plan on and would rather do without. One comes from a point of being a victim, the other of being a creator, a person with power.

So just say yes to life and feel the relief that can bring along with the inspiration.

The Resilience Grid

I just finished my first reading of Susan Jeffers’, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. In it she describes her “whole life” approach to resilience. Basically what it says is that when “life” hits you in one specific area of your life, for example, your relationship with someone very important to you, if you look only at that aspect of your life, or rather, if your life is literally based solely on that one area, you are surely going to be not only very upset but quite likely quite traumatized and very much unstable.

Quite simply, if your life is made up only of one aspect, such as the current relationship failure you are in, then should that relationship fall apart the following will happen.

At first your entire life looks like the following picture with your relationship being a label of your whole life diagram.


Then should that relationship fall apart your life that appears to be empty.


A healthier approach to life would be to realize that there are many aspects that make up your life. The following diagram, taken from Jeffers’ book shows how you can find joy and stability within many many areas of your life and especially in the collection of them all together. Then, using the same example as above, should one aspect become “broken”, i.e. the broken down relationship, you can easily see how the rest of your life is still quite full. It also helps you feel very much stable.

Stable Life

The additional point of course is that not only is a this much healthier outlook, and makes life more promising, but that we begin recognize and realize all the good there is in all blessings that we truly have.